


i am still trying to get to you (a gloomy designer creating a bouquet to give to you)

by vivahate



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, even if they mess up sometimes, post argument conversations, they're both in love and trying their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-03 05:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivahate/pseuds/vivahate
Summary: “Is there?” Kageyama asks playing with Hinata’s fingers, but focused entirely on what Hinata’s answer will be. “Something bothering you, I mean. Something I should know about.”Hinata is silent for a few long moments, and before his mouth even starts forming words of denial, he takes one look at Kageyama’s face and breaks.For all of their bull-headedness they’ve never been able to lie to each other.(In which old habits die hard and Hinata and Kageyama might be just a tad bad at communicating.)





	i am still trying to get to you (a gloomy designer creating a bouquet to give to you)

It was a dumb argument.

They’ve had bigger fights before – ones that had kept Kageyama up at night, wondering if he never got any better at controlling his temper and Hinata regretting his equally poor reaction almost instantly, but his pride not allowing to take his words back.

And this time was no different. Except they’re _dating_ now. And they’re supposed to handle this sort of things better.

Not sit on the opposite ends of Hinata’s bed, eyes averted and _not talking_. Just as they’ve not been talking the entire day. And the night before. Kageyama clenches his jaw in frustration. Hinata’s made the first move by inviting him over, and now he’s prepared to be the one to breach this cold barrier between them if only to hear Hinata’s voice again.

He _cannot_ take this awful silence any longer.

“Are you still mad at me?” Kageyama asks, voice small and timid in a way it never is, and Hinata is startled enough by the change in his partner’s demeanor to finally look at him. Kageyama swallows his nerves before saying. “You didn’t talk to me at school so I figured you didn’t want to see me, but after classes you asked me to come over, and then didn’t say anything _at all _on the way here, and I just-“ Kageyama hates how his voice shakes, “I just want to fix this, Hinata.”

In a flash Hinata’s beside him and reaching to hold Kageyama’s hands. Kageyama can only blink, the relief of having Hinata close to him coming as a surprise and rendering him momentarily speechless.

“I’m not mad!” Hinata rushes to reassure, even allowing a tiny shadow of a smile to pass his lips as he says, “A bit hard to be angry with someone when you don’t even remember what you were angry about in the first place.” He jokes and then grows serious again once he’s made sure that his words have put Kageyama at ease a little. “I didn’t know if _you_ were still mad at me or not so I – I chickened out of meeting with you for lunch, but later when I asked you to come over and you agreed, I was so happy and I didn’t want to mess it up so I just – didn’t say anything.” Hinata groans, dislodging their grip to hide his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I was being stupid.”

“Yeah, you were.” Kageyama breathes out, so relieved that they’re finally talking that he doesn’t even react to the indignant look his boyfriend throws his way. He reaches back for Hinata’s hands, desperate for the contact. “So was I. I’m sorry, too. About the fight. Though I don’t remember what I was so angry about, either.”

And Hinata actually laughs at him, squeezing his hands affectionately and Kageyama feels his heart clench in return.

“God, this is ridiculous.” Hinata says, lifting one hand to sift gentle fingers through Kageyama’s fringe adoringly. “Let’s promise to try not to make such a big deal out of stupid stuff like this anymore. Deal?”

“Deal.” Kageyama sighs, resisting the urge to nuzzle his face against Hinata’s hand like an overeager cat. Missing his boyfriend or not, he still has his dignity. They’ve been distant for barely a day and he’s already such a mess over it. Kageyama grows alert again, catching Hinata’s hand and pressing it against his cheek. “Though, can you promise me one more thing?”

“Anything.” Hinata says immediately, and Kageyama smiles, his fears fizzling from his heart at the stark reminder of how obviously devoted Hinata is to him. He feels a bit ridiculous now, having let his old insecurities get to him, but… if they are to steer clear of this kind of misunderstandings in the future, they’d both better know what they’re dealing with.

“Please don't avoid me after we have a fight.” Kageyama says, trying not to feel self-conscious, but the serious look Hinata’s fixed him with gives him the incentive to continue. “I think I would rather have you yelling at me than straight up ignoring me. If you need space, that’s fine. Just – say something to me first.”

Kageyama’s not even sure if it’s entirely due to the trauma of his old teammates turning their backs on him. All he knows is that after he and Hinata’s big fight in first year and their recent, considerably smaller fall-out, the thought of Hinata freezing him out is positively unbearable. _Nothing_ is worth it. Not even volleyball.

“Deal. Done.” Hinata says resolutely and sincerely, looking like he wants to ask more about it, but choosing against it. He leans forward to press a brief, but no less tender kiss to Kageyama’s cheek. When Hinata draws back, he fixes Kageyama with his best encouraging smile and asks, “Anything else?”

Kageyama can’t stop looking at him. How did he ever get so damn lucky?

“And if there’s something bothering us, we should come clean and say it.” Kageyama says, deciding to make full use of the chance occasion two rowdy boys have decided to talk about their feelings so openly. “If I do something wrong, you should tell me. And vice versa. Alright?”

“Alright.” Hinata agrees readily, and there’s a hint of a mischievous smile playing on his lips now. “I didn’t know you could be so mature, Kageyama-kun.” He teases and then frowns when Kageyama doesn’t rise to the bait, instead keeps staring at him. “What?”

“Is there?” Kageyama asks playing with Hinata’s fingers, but focused entirely on what Hinata’s answer will be. “Something bothering you, I mean. Something I should know about.”

Hinata is silent for a few long moments, and before his mouth even starts forming words of denial, he takes one look at Kageyama’s face and breaks.

For all of their bull-headedness they’ve never been able to lie to each other.

“Sometimes,” Hinata begins, tentative and Kageyama fixes him with the most attentive look he can manage without straight up looking like he’s glaring. “Sometimes when we’re hanging out or – or when I try being affectionate with you, you do this thing where you – well, not pull away exactly, but you act all annoyed and huffy with me? As if I’m being a nuisance and you’re only putting up with me. And it’s not just when we’re in public or around strangers, either, I just…”, Hinata trails off, visibly deflating, “if I’m doing something you don’t like, you can just tell me without making me wonder if you’ve – if you’ve suddenly stopped liking me or something.”

_What._

It’s the last thing Kageyama was expecting to hear and he needs a moment to recover. None of this makes any sense, whatsoever.

“Hinata.” Kageyama rasps out, trying to unstick his heavy tongue. He feels numb all over, and Hinata won’t even meet his eyes.

Stop liking Hinata? Hinata, who he feels more and more strongly for with every passing day? Who he likes so much, he’s not even sure “like” is a strong enough word to describe his feelings with anymore? As his memory rewinds itself like a plastic record and unearths the instances when, he realizes with horror, he _did_ unintentionally act like a total dick towards the one person who deserved it least of all, he starts to feel sick. For it doesn’t take him much pondering to figure out the cause of his wrongdoings as well, and yet it does nothing to brace him for the impending feeling of dread gnawing up his chest.

_How long has Hinata been feeling this way?_

“I know,” the redhead laments, scoffing to himself and drags a hand across his face, rubbing suspiciously long at his eyes, “It’s stupid.”

“_Shouyou_.” Kageyama tries again, his voice sounding pitiful to his own ears, but that at least gets his boyfriend’s attention, who in the moment looks so sad and dewy-eyed that Kageyama cannot bear the distance between them any longer. He reaches for Hinata, swiftly arranging them in a way that’s got his boyfriend’s legs draped over his lap. Hinata follows the proceedings with wide, curious eyes, not protesting, and only seems to still completely and hold his breath when Kageyama gently cups his face.

“Shou.” Kageyama murmurs, face pained. “I didn’t know – I – I didn’t _think-“_

“It’s fine.” Hinata says quickly, and Kageyama feels annoyed enough by the obvious lie to contemplate shaking some sense into his boyfriend but he’s too reluctant to dislodge their current position to do so. “You couldn’t have known, I never said anything – “

“You shouldn’t have _had_ to say anything!” Kageyama interrupts, suddenly furious, with himself, with the situation and with his apparent inability to do right by the one person who matters more to him than anyone. “What sort of boyfriend am I if I don’t even notice that I’ve been making you upset!”

Hinata seems shocked by his words at first, before his face morphs into one conveying a sense of great urgency, and Kageyama just _knows_ Hinata’s about to console _him _over feeling like he’s not been doing a good enough job as his boyfriend, because Hinata’s just that selfless of a person, and Kageyama’s _not_ about to let the absolute _fool_ go on for even a second.

“I’m sorry!” Kageyama almost yells in Hinata’s face and instantly flinches. Hinata’s gone back to sporting that expression of utter shock again, and Kageyama sincerely hopes he stops saying things that make Hinata look either floored or miserable preferably sometime soon during this conversation. With great difficulty he swallows around the lump in his throat and goes on, softer, “I’m really sorry. I – it’s never been my intention to make you feel this way, I promise! And I’m not trying to make any excuses – I just – I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he trails off with a small growl of frustration and is only able to collect himself when Hinata reaches a hand out to him. Offering. Accepting.

Chest heavy with everything he wants to say and eyes blurring with the beginnings of tears, Kageyama takes it tentatively and so, so gently as if handling a fragile, cherished item. Hinata, however, is everything but fragile and even in times like this manages to ground Kageyama, to read and give Kageyama exactly what he needs. But then again Hinata is so, _so_ cherished and Kageyama vows to do a better job of showing it.

“You’re my first real best friend and my first boyfriend.”Kageyama begins and immediately feels his cheeks burn with embarrassment. Hinata’s visibly flustered state gives him the courage he needs to go on. “But you were also my first rival. And I – sometimes I still catch myself thinking that this is a competition, like if I let you see how much I care about you, I’ll be losing. I know it’s stupid and I don’t even notice myself doing it, but I promise it’s not because I’m annoyed with you, really it’s the opposite, I –“ he breaks off into an abrupt fit of laughter that sounds more hysterical than anything, “I’m crazy about you, Shouyou. I like you _so_ much, sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Hinata lets out a wheeze of a breath and tightens his fists where they’ve been clutching at Kageyama’s shirt for the entirety of Kageyama’s impromptu speech and his cheeks are so red they could rival his fiery hair. What’s worse is that Kageyama’s certain Hinata is wearing that caught-out-of-the-loop expression again and he simply cannot bear to see it right now, not after essentially declaring his feelings that may or may not be too much for his boyfriend to handle. And not when Kageyama can feel the confidence that prompted him to confess with such reckless abandon, slowly slipping away from him.

Damnit!

He’s sweating profusely and looking at anything but the boy in his lap, eyes darting around madly as if he’ll find a solution somewhere in this room. He needs to fix this and do it quickly!

“Anyway, I’ll make sure not to do it again in the future. And you need to tell me off if I’m ever too-“ Kageyama was quiet pleased with his detracting tactic and it might’ve worked with any other person, but this was _Hinata_. The most stubborn and single-minded person only to rival Kageyama himself. One second Kageyama was trying to salvage what seemed to be an unsalvageable situation, next second Hinata was tumbling them both on the bed with a growl of frustration and yelling in his face, “I’m in love with you!”

And now it’s Kageyama’s turn to be shell-shocked. For he feels as though someone’s pulled the rug from under his feet and he’s sure his face is doing something extremely stupid right now.

Daichi-san was right. They are both hopeless.

“You uh – what?” Kageyama sputters and tries for a softer approach when Hinata groans in embarrassment and hides his face against Kageyama’s chest. He brings a hand up to stroke carefully through unruly ginger hair, “Hinata?”

“Don’t make me say it again, you jerk!” comes the not at all threatening whine against his collarbones before Hinata sighs, resigned and nuzzles his cheek against Kageyama. And just when Tobio starts thinking he might combust from the affectionate gesture, Hinata props his chin on Kageyama’s chest so that he can look up at him, all flushed cheeks and endearing half-smile, “And uh, you’re forgiven. Can we forget about the fight and go have dinner now? I’m starving.”

Kageyama gapes at him. It’s so like Shouyou to start talking about food not even two minutes after confessing.

They keep staring at each other until the ridiculousness of the whole thing downs, making them burst simultaneously into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

“Why are you like this.” Kageyama says through giggles, touching their foreheads together. Hinata’s still trying to catch his breath when Kageyama hugs him close and whispers softly, “I’m in love with you, too.”

Kageyama takes great pleasure in watching his boyfriend flounder for a reply, mouth permanently fixed into a wobbly, overwhelmed smile. This is definitely not how he pictured their reconciliation going, but Kageyama can’t say he’s not enjoying every second of it.

“That’s – yeah, that’s good.” Hinata mumbles, scratching the back of his neck, looking painfully awkward and painfully happy in equal measure. Kageyama’s smile grows impossibly more.

“_’That’s good.’_” Tobio parrots back, craning his neck to try and meet the other boy’s eyes, his lips stretched into the most shit-eating grin he could manage. He’s pretty sure Hinata catches onto his own error immediately and knows what’s coming before Kageyama’s even opened his mouth for he looks like he’s just bitten into something very sour. “Are you my boss or something?”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Hinata bemoans, going back to hiding his face in Kageyama’s neck again, who accepts him readily. “You’re the worst.”

Kageyama grins against his hair, because teasing his boyfriend is possibly one of his favorite things to do, and maybe because deep down he’s just a bit of an asshole. “And yet, you’re in love with me.”

“Yama.” Hinata says and Kageyama’s expecting another reproval when Hinata looks up at him, eyes serious and soft. “I really, _really_ am.”

Kageyama swallows down the teasing remark he had ready, nearly swallowing his tongue in the process, too.

“Me too.” He croaks out, sounding breathless and affected and all the things he’s not ready to voice yet. But luckily Hinata doesn’t make fun of him for it, only sighs contentedly and slinks his arms around Kageyama’s middle to bring them closer together, all thoughts of food clearly forgotten.

And Kageyama thinks, _they’ll be alright_.

**Author's Note:**

> have had this in my drafts for months now and resolved to finally see it through today no matter what!! 
> 
> title inspired by Kenshi Yonezu's wonderful song "Paper flower". 
> 
> thank you for reading! leave a kudos/comment if you feel inclined! x
> 
> UPDATE: i now have anime tumblr and twitter accounts! @tobioist and @tobioer are my tumblr and twitter handles respectfully (the account names do not speak of any bias at all as you can tell) so do drop by to say hello or talk about haikyuu or other anime with me and to get snippets of my upcoming works, of course! much love! xx


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